Lockdown — You So Crazy

The lockdown in Spain is a cruel but necessary biatch. I hate reading about it, and I’m not sure I’m going to like writing about it. But, it’s been six weeks since I wrote anything at all — so here goes.  

I’m sure most of you have had your fill of reading the informative “my experience during lockdown” blog posts, so I’m gonna do what I think I do best — talk some shit and make people laugh. 

Unlike for most humans, lockdown is nothing new to me.  I’m now going on week 13 of self-isolation due to a horrendous cold/chest infection (not COVID-19) that started on January 20th. It lasted until the day before official lockdown in Spain on March 14th.  I literally had one day where I felt good enough to go outside and then BAM! 

Apocalypse Now?

It’s all good though, well not good, but I haven’t lost my shit yet. My husband is now working from home, and I actually don’t hate having the company. I write from home, blogging and doing freelance projects for clients, so I thought having my Hubs en casa might bring on the apocalypse. To my surprise — he’s still alive. 

I feel bad saying this, but I actually like having him home. So far, it’s working out pretty well. I write at the dining room table, and he’s in my office. I know what you’re thinking — why the hell did he get the office? Well, it’s because I’m such a nice person. Yeah……nooooo. 

Hubs was forced to close his language school basically overnight and set up online. For a man that recently asked his wife — “Hon, what’s GMAIL?” — that’s a big ask. So, giving him the office is a no-brainer. That way, he can have his hourly meltdowns with his IT guy, and I can continue tapping away at my laptop while belting out my favorite gangster rap. It’s win-win. As of writing this blog post, the school has been online for three weeks and it’s going pretty well. Plus, I landed a new client after writing a superb pitch that made the client rethink her marketing strategy. I celebrated with a two-ounce vodka berry quarantini after that.

A Scream is Worth a Thousand Words 

I know the lockdown has been very different for other people though. My husband and I are not essential workers, so we have no idea what it’s like being on the frontlines right now. I don’t think people will ever be able to properly thank the nurses, doctors, grocery store workers, cleaners and others that aren’t able to #staythefuckathome because without them — we might actually die.

I have a friend that’s a nurse, and after every shift she calls me to vent and cry before she goes home to sleep. Personally, I go to bed terrified after what she’s just told me, but it’s worth it. If just listening helps, so she can go back to the hospital and save lives, she can scream all she wants. My ears can take it. 

Kudos go out to all parents that are at home with their kids. I don’t have any of my own, so I can only sympathize with parents like my brother. He’s praying for the end of lockdown in Canada.  Looks like here in Spain, the government is loosening the rules after April 27th so children can scream bloody murder — outside — for at least an hour.

 

Doll head

Better the wall and the doll than my brother I guess.

Man, Shop Day Sucks

In the meantime, fresh air is for visits to the pharmacy and the dreaded supermarket. There are home delivery services in Spain but the delivery dates are backlogged and we need stuff — like now. 

My husband is pacing back and forth while I try and relieve my anxiety by writing. In Spain, you have to elect one person to leave the house to get essentials, and my husband has taken it upon himself to be that person. I know, he’s the best. Plus, he can carry more wine, so that’s a YES from me. 

He’s dressed in his sports clothes because they are the easiest to strip off at the front door when he comes home (sorry neighbors). There is a plastic bag ready to receive these potentially infected items, so they can be thrown in the wash. He isn’t wearing his wedding ring or watch because it’s too difficult to wash his hands and wrists before jumping in the shower. 

So, when he returns, it’ll go pretty much like this:

  • Clothes in the bag
  • Shoes left at the door
  • Hubs washes hands while singing “Hearts on Fire” — classic from Rocky IV
  • Hubs jumps in scalding hot shower
  • Wifey looks at groceries mumbling, “How the f*ck am I gonna sanitize all this?”
  • Wifey starts to clean everything, has a mini nervous breakdown, but continues until every last germ infected thing is put away
  • Wifey and Hubs make a big ol’ drink

Since there’s nothing important left to do, that I can’t put off until tomorrow, I usually shower to get rid of any COVID cooties that might have landed on me. Then I hop on a Zoom chat with my parents or my besties back in Canada. I still haven’t figured out how to look “good/normal” during these calls. I’m pretty sure I’ll look either like PREDATOR because I let my hair air dry or FAT BASTARD with three chins. Either way, it ain’t gonna be good. 

My Expatations: Oh Lord, lockdown is gonna push me and Hubs into the endgame. 

Reality: Hey hon, you wanna watch Endgame again? Yaaaaas but wait.  Lemme grab a quarantini first.

2020-06-11T14:16:47+02:00 April 20th, 2020|Expat Life, Friends|4 Comments

4 Comments

  1. Lauren April 21, 2020 at 10:08 pm - Reply

    You are friekin hilarious and I truly loved the transparency and fresh perspective of this awful situation we’re all stuck in!!! Thanks for bringing me some much needed laughs today!!

    • Janine April 21, 2020 at 10:22 pm - Reply

      Thanks so much. I never really know if people will get my sense of humor. Glad it gave you a giggle. 😜

  2. Julia Kinane April 22, 2020 at 11:04 am - Reply

    Absolutely love it! Esp that Hubs can carry more wine (mine does the big shopping too) and that you have a drink named quantini!

    We are both non-essential workers too, and are working from home: I do a little English conversation tutoring, he is a Financial Adviser to Expats in Spain. We each have our own workspace and the buzz for me is that he is doing all the washing up and cooking!

    • Janine April 22, 2020 at 11:18 am - Reply

      He’s cooking AND washing up? He’s a keeper for sure.

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