Screw you Spotify! Do your worst. You wanna interrupt my bossa nova playlist with five minutes of ads in español, no problem. Why don’t you make it 10? It doesn’t matter. You won’t win this battle because I DON’T UNDERSTAND SPANISH. How ya gonna get that € 9.99 a month now? Mwahahaha.
I tried to learn Spanish – I really did. I paid for (and went to) Spanish classes in Canada before making the big jump. When I finally moved to Spain, I ran to the closest language school and signed up for classes to improve my pathetic level.
Everyone kept telling me that Spanish is the easiest language to learn. So, I just assumed I would be fluent after a few years max! WRONG. It’s like hard. Maybe my decrepit brain was to blame. My expat friends’ kids were soaking up the language like a sponge and spitting it back out as fast as Trump vomits tweets.
Could it have been the fact that almost all of my friends in Spain were native English speakers? I guess it didn’t help that I was also working as an English teacher. Whatever the reason was (ahem, never practiced outside of the classroom), I gave up after a few years of kinda trying.
Now, my husband is basically pulling out his hair every day because his wife (aka me) is a demanding cow. His main duties revolve around translating something or accompanying me to all government offices, the doctor, the dentist, the gyno, and the list goes on and on.
Why is he still married to me? Oh yeah, because I gave up my whole life to be with him in Spain. That’s why! Still, the poor thing needs a break from my constant ultimatum of “Translate this or I’ll divorce you!”
So, I have hired my sixth and final teacher. Yes, I said final. I’m going to learn Spanish or die trying. It will hurt, for sure, but it’ll be worth it. Just think of all the fun things I’ll be able to do: curse out bureaucratic civil servants, holler at rude shop assistants and make lazy waiters bring me the frigging cheque.
I love my new Spanish teacher. Her name is Romina and she es la bomba! Her classes are actually fun and I learn stuff. What a concept! I know it’s controversial but when I don’t understand something after the 100th explanation, she explains it to me in English. I know speaking in the student’s native language is a no-no in the ESL world but I don’t give a crap. It cuts to the chase and things stay in my brain. In a few short weeks, I have already jumped to a B2 level. Anyone looking for a private teacher that kicks ass should check out Romina here. She also does online classes, so don’t worry about where you’re based.
My Expatations: learning Spanish ain’t no thing but a chicken wing
Reality: learning a new language is rough stuff